More Getting Ripe
Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.
–I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month.
–I have my own pad.
–I don’t have a curfew
–I have a driver’s license and my own car.
–I have ID that gets me into bars and the whisky store.
–The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.
–And I don’t have acne.
Life is great. I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.