Old time jokes

These jokes are typical mountain jokes told earlier in the century. We aren’t likely to hear them again.

There was this feller that had an aunt who had passed on, and his buddy said, why are you crying? You never liked that ole woman anyway. And the feller said,”That’s right, and it was me that put her in the insane asylum. Now she’s left me all her money and I have to prove she was in her right mind.”

This feller went off to Alaska, he was gone for a long time, and he got this letter from his wife. He looked real worried and his buddy said,”what’s the matter, you got trouble at home?” And he said “Oh, lord, looks like we got a freak in the family. My wife says I wont recognize little Billy when I get home, he’s growed another foot.”

Two ladies were talking about what they would wear to the Legion Hall dance. One said, we are supposed to wear something to match our husband’s hair, so I reckon I will wear black, what’ll you wear? The other one turned sorta pale and said, “I don’t reckon I’ll go.”

A farmer was haulin manure, and the truck broke down in front of a mental institution, One of the patients leaned down over the fence and asked, What are you gonna do with your manure? The farmer said, I’m gonna put it on my strawberries. Feller says, we might be crazy but we put whipped cream on ours.

There was a census taker that went to a house and knocked on the door. A woman came out and he said, how many children you got and what are their ages? She said, Lets see, there’s the twins Morris and Boris, they’re 14. And there’s Ellie and Nellie, they’re 12. And there’s Tracy and Lacey, they’re 10. The feller said, “Hold on! Did you get twins every time? The woman said, Lordy no, they was hundreds of times we didn”t get anything.